PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines LIII (53rd entry)

To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion  with Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) , we encourage them to make a reflection about their experience and share them with us and the world ( their personal data kept confidential).  A  “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them  a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery  and to a new  beginning.  The story submitted are published as they are — no revisions, no corrections (typo and all) except for some words or phrases that may compromise the patient’s privacy . Here’s one reflection from Nonie, a  24 year-old  former flight stewardess/cabin crew and world traveler from Quirino,  Philippines .

We always practice maximum restraint in publishing pictures of POC’s (Products of Conception)  from our patients even if consent is given. The default position is not to publish any pictures at all. However in this case and possibly more in the future, the decision to release the photos online is more for the benefit of women contemplating such a life-changing decision. It is best to do the procedure in the first first 4-7 weeks of pregnancy for lesser emotional and physical strain on the patient. We asked for the consent of the patient and she gave us the nod.  UNLESS CONSENT/PERMISSION IS GIVEN, WE DON’T RELEASE  ANY PHOTOS from our patients. 

 

I cannot thank you enough for what your movement has given me.

it’s like another life. a second chance.
i really poured out my heart into this after so much going around the bush i finally got myself to do it.
this has taken me so long to write… too much emotions need to be unleashed.
i hope my story helps other girls out there.
sincerely,
Nonie

I HAVE BEEN GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE AT LIFE.

I am still in my recovery at four days after the procedure. Still bleeding and cramping sometimes but I notice the blood getting less and less. My medical abortion is both a success and a relief. I am not proud of what I’ve done but I am glad that there is such a thing as PRJCT486 in a closed minded country such as ours. Here’s my story, and I encourage you miss, read on… before you make that choice.

  • Sept 24, PT positive.

I couldn’t believe it so I did the test more than 3 times. People get emotional and throw financial carefulness to the wind I guess. Now computing I spent more than 500php for all the PT tests.

watermarked-1watermarked-7a

watermarked-7bwatermarked-7d

The test gradually became clearer from rosy pink color to distinct unforgivingly darker lines. My fate was becoming clearer and clearer. But wait, was this my fate?

I was just starting my life again from scratch after resigning from my dream job. A cabin crew. I was so burned out and depressed everyday working in that time of my life that I realized, it was not my dream job after all. So many of my friends, batch mates and family were putting me down for giving up the best job in the world which apparently IS WHAT ALL GIRLS DREAM OF, TO BECOME A FLIGHT STEWARDESS/ CABIN CREW. But to tell you honestly, I discovered it was not my dream after all. Working there, with your life in the hands of the “schedulers”, waking up at impossible times of the day to put on annoyingly thick layers of make-up and look presentable, be at your best when you feel all grumpy inside. Then staying in an iron tube 30k+ altitude in the air looking at the sights from small windows and just wishing you could really explore it, and not just gaze at it all like a locked up money looking through a hole. Then finally going out of the plane. You might wonder why those cabin crew have that winsome smile and blooming look on their face? Ha! That’s because they finally got out of the cage to explore, even for a short while. I know some women out there would still say different but to me, this was not my life, this is not me. What do you do when you find out your dream job was not your dream job after all?

I made up my mind. I quit that job and got all my savings, travelled the world in 8 months. Just got lost and made my own blog, did yoga, meditation, jumped off cliffs, explored canyons and caves, temples and walls and such other stuff which I’ve been itching to try for myself.

I finally got tired of travelling and came back home. Nothing beats home. Especially the weather I grew up in.  Broke and tired from travelling alone and having had to guard my own back while in all the dangers for a single girl alone out there, I settled my mind to go home and start anew. Find my own path again. Do what I want to do and do things in my own way.

Home was not as welcoming as I’d imagined. But it was still a comfort to finally go to a restaurant, and understand what people sitting behind you are saying. My siblings all have their own careers, and friends have their careers and lives to live too. I felt stuck. But still I trudged on. One of the main deciding factors of my staying here again in the Philippines was my dad asking me to come home from all those travelling and stop being lost. There is much to gain and do in life in our own country, and he promised he will come back home also so I should also come home. Yes, I adore my dad like the super daddy’s girl I am.

Still, home was not as before, we’re not kids anymore. And I hated living with my brother and his live in partner. On what sparse money I have, I went and got my own rented apartment, and got employed in the government while doing different stuffs on the side.

I got the know this guy who went head over heels for me. He’s not Filipino so he had to travel back to his country and stay in the big city because that is where he is based in. Six years older than me, I thought he had his shit together. I went and quit my job just to have more time for him when he came to visit me. My dad did not approve of this but hey, I was in love and I had faith we could still make ends meet. I went all out for this guy, the sad thing is, he does not like wearing protection. And he was pretty sure I was the one so why would he try and be cautious around his future wife. He really wanted to set up his life here with me, but I had no idea how we could start. I was still partially hanging on to the hopes of going out abroad. Nothing compares to how much you receive abroad with what you receive here in our country. Sad to say starting out here is even harder than it is abroad. Home is still home. But it’s damn hard to try and earn a living here when you’ve experienced how easy and higher the pay is out there.

So anyway, I thought I played my cards right. So when I finally got all the courage to tell him I was pregnant, I called him after his crucial management meeting. We video called, I showed him the tests, and behold! He was smiling like a kid. So happy was his face. I told him, you need to start saving. Let’s create a baby fund. After a while, it got quiet. And awkward. I don’t know how it came out or what we were talking about but he went on to say, “first thing you should know about me is, I’m broke, and I’m poor.” Then he went on to tell me about his failed business ventures and how the bank in his country is looking for him every month and how he needed this job that keeps him away from his country so he could keep bank account abroad and the bank won’t get his money from all the loans he made from his business ventures before.

I can’t tell you how I fell the earth crumble at my feet and I felt like I was slowly being buried under the earth. In tagalog we can say, “unti unting gumuho ang mundo ko”.

That’s when I made up my mind. I cannot bring into this world an innocent little thing where I still do not know where I stand, what I’m doing and where I’m going. Selfish may be the term but I cannot feed a baby on dreams or more suffering. I took hold of my senses and oriented myself that this is the right way to go. Imagining where I would take this pregnancy with the state I am in and how everyone around me was watching my every move from having been a top achiever as a child, starting out early in my career, having reached my dream job and travelling goals, and finally coming back home. In the outside, or for the common outsider, it looked like I had everything together, a young lady, having had the world open up to her so easily.

No. Deep inside I was depressed, beating up myself for having no direction in life. No disposition. What have I done wrong? I did everything as they expected. Followed all the rules, achieved the success they dreamed of, yet here I am, miserable. Why? How could I subject another human being to all these things when I haven’t even figured it out for my own self? I was seething in anguish.

I might be selfish that I decided this on my own but I couldn’t tell the man I love about all this. Not yet. After seeing his face light up upon knowing, how will he accept what I’m about to do and my reasons behind it. He would not only see it as an insult to his capacity in bringing food on the table or providing for his family but I believe he would feel emasculated. On top of all that, he was also trying to climb his way up from all his debts with a mother who’s sick with breast cancer and having to undergo chemo every few weeks.

Yeah, fucked up this situation was. Or still is. I still feel like a mess.

Anyway, short recap:

  • August 23, first day of LMP
  • September 18, (last contact without condom)
  • September 24, PT positive
  • September 25, OB check up, I complained of cramps and constant pain at my lower back. Dr. said might be ectopic, get an ultrasound (have not taken anything in to harm d baby). She, the Doctor said I am on 4-5weeks into pregnancy. She prescribed folic acid for baby brain development and another medicine which is supposed to make the fetus hang in there tighter. “PAMPAKAPIT”.
  • September 26, Ultrasound results NO SIGN OF GESTATIONAL SAC, enlarged endometrium. Ultrasound Dr. Says on 5 weeks pregnancy there should already be a gestational sac. I asked about the enlarged endometrium at 3.2mm, he said it might have been an unsuccessful abortion or miscarriage. I felt insulted by this, I have not taken in anything but that doctor was already assuming.

That night I went on the internet and found out about herbal abortion. The reviews, replies and success stories on it were encouraging.

  • September 27-29, started on the herbal abortion procedures:

2days & a half vit c + parsely infusion. Parsley inserts on and off.

1 whole day and a half of 1000mg capsule dong quai (bought this online too)

 

  1. i’ve read and estimated that from the other emails on the blog of the sisters that it is around 4 days on average before they finally bled

 

    • September 30, a bit of spotting and cramping but nothing else.
    • October 1, emailed the blogger about my slow progress on the herbal abortion and she suggested on PLAN B: contacting PROJECT 486. Found out about medical abortion. I emailed them that night. Got in touch with Mr. Alex.
    • October 2, talked to Mr. John. And how the process is via call. It was a relief to have someone who knows his stuff and talked professionally about what can be done and how the process is.watermarked-3

 

  • October 3, deposited to BDO for the meds.
  • October 4, got the meds in the afternoon

 

 

  • October 5, DAY 1 MIFE. *had greenish discharge that day. Might be a sign of watermarked-4ainfection. 2 months ago I found out I had
    herpes and yeast infection. Still taking meds on and
  • off for this but sir john says the antivirals won’t interfere with the abortion meds. Just to be safe, I didn’t take anything else but the meds I got from project 486 anyway
  • October 6, DAY 2, LOW FOLIC DIET. My last meal was watermarked-4bstill at 3pm that day. So I was a bit cranky and irritably texting sir John if I could get a much. He said I could but we’d have to postpone the procedure and hour. I said no, I tolerate it. Let’s get on with the process. I’ve already started this. I can’t give in to my own silly impetuous hunger. I also went and renewed my passport earlier that day. ===

 

 

  • October 7, DAY 3, MISO DAY. Sir john instructed me about the pillow procedure, and watermarked-4cthe insertion of the tablets into my V. I somehow lost the first tablet in there. But I couldn’t find it anymore. I made sure that nothing fell tho. So I was pretty sure it was in there… somewhere…
    I was actually complaining to my bf about the pain and the cramping last night. I emotionally caved. I called him up and was crying on the phone as I told him I was bleeding. So much. He sent one of my friends to come check on me. Luckily I closed my room and kept her out. Told her to go and I didn’t want to go to the hospital, because it’s already useless. (they didn’t know I set this up on my own self).

At 2 pm, when I was finally allowed to stand, I came out of my room to find my friend
still in my living room. Waiting for me. I went to the toilet because I felt like defecating so much and let out the bad stuff from behind. I did this in a pail and not in the toilet bowl as Sir John advised. I saw a clump of tissue together with the blood clots. I picked it up and washed some of the blood away. It looked so small and formless but it smelled fishy.
I felt cold. I did as instructed. Took a picture of the POCS on a tissue beside a coin with the PRJCT code written there too. It looked like this:

watermarked-5bwatermarked-5a

In the end, I got my friend to go as I ignored her and came out from the bathroom after a long time of staring at the POCS and went directly to sleep.

Later, I asked sir john why the POCS were so small for mine yet I took a look at the POCS of the other ladies in the 486 blog and theirs where bigger or more. Sir john reassured me and later got back to me to ask the last of when I think it was conceived.

This was what I was wondering about because they said 5 weeks yet from what I know from last contact (September 18) would have only been on October 1-7, turns out to 2-3 weeks gestation only. That evening, when I told this to sir John, they figured the same and confirmed that I was NOT OFFICIALLY PREGNANT ANYMORE.

  • October 8, REST DAY. Sunday My boyfriend came this day, and we went out to eat all watermarked-6athe food I was craving, like the mango pizza, Japanese rice and California Maki, waffle sandwich with chocolate and banana filling.

Because of so much worry, he wanted me to go for a check-up. So I acquiesced. It was Sunday and all private clinics were closed. So we had no choice but go to the GH. The doctor there was young and had an annoyingly assuming face asking if im sure that I did not take in anything. She called up her superior in front of me and asked what to do because I was apparently “denying” that I took in any meds. They took my urine sample and then she examined me on the table. She had cold hands and once again bullied me into admitting. Then she went on to say that they had a patient who died because she denied of having taken anything for abortion. I just said I didn’t want to have a raspa because I don’t want a my uterus scared which would hurt my chances of pregnancy later on. Then she asked why I was not scared and did not go to the hospital when I saw blood, that means I actually did take in something. I just said no. because I know already that what came out was what it was and there was no way to save it. She made me sign a waiver and let me go without any meds.

It was a horrendous experience, quite depressing and I was impossibly annoyed by that female young doctor. However, going to the hospital got the effect I wanted for my boyfriend. He seemed less worried because at least I got checked. I just told him I was advised to get an ultrasound asap(which I will do in a few more days to a week after im all cleared up but not now yet). If I get the ultrasound and the shedding looks thin, as that fugly annoying faced doctor said, we could do it by meds and raspa wont be needed. But she said its highly recommended I still do the raspa because she still got some of the placenta when she got her finger out of my V. And so if the shedding I thick, we will HAVE to go into raspa.

After the hospital, we went to the church, lighted candles and prayed for a few.

That night, my boyfriend left to go back because he had to work that Monday. Again I was left alone with my summersaulting emotions and depression.

  • October 13, TO DATE. Friday. It is now 3.30pm as I am writing this. The bleeding has slowed significantly but I was quite moody and was always trying to bring up a fight with my sweetheart for the past few days. I’ve done Zumba last Wednesday 11th of this month and did some belly dancing yesterday too. I’ve tried to slow down but my lifestyle I’ve set for myself has me working out MWF and my friends looking for me. I can’t be gone too long. I still worry I might prolapse my uterus if I work out too hard but I try to take it slow by just telling the people im having really bad cramps as in dysmenorrhea. Yesterday a small clotlike tissue also came out of me. I put it together with the first that came out. I have a strawberry plant on a pot in my kitchen and I’ll be looking after this with great care because in it is that little thing that did not come to be.

Because of growing up in a largely catholic country and very traditional patterned way of thinking, we were brought up to think that we, women of the weaker sex are supposed to be subject to the will of men and the will of God. And the bible guiding our existence. But the scriptures do not talk about how we are supposed to take control of how we live our destiny. Indeed, God has a plan for us. But isn’t that plan only a guidance system? We cannot just wait for the mana from heaven. I am not pagan nor am I Atheist. I am merely a millennial feminist and I do not regret the choice I’ve made for myself and my life. I vow however, that if I will ever really bring out an innocent angel into this world, I shall not be in this desperate and lowly position again. The almighty has showered me with so much blessings, and the chance to make this choice with proper people and professionals who are constantly helping me has been a great gift.

Girls, they have not left me in the wind and are still helping me with my emotional bouts. Trust in them and follow the instructions thoroughly. I believe every woman is empowered to help herself in these desperate times to take rationally justified measures. Its just that this country’s religiousness and narrow-mindedness that we may look desperate in trying to get this done because they made it illegal. When in fact, this is our choice. Will those  prolifers  feed our children or carry our children for us? Will they stay up the long nights and endure the pains and scars of pregnancy while trying to build up a life after it? Indeed, men also cannot relate but only take pity and sympathize in our pain as women. But fact is, they just don’t know. Make your decisions crisply, realize and accept the consequences that your conscience (the church has installed in you too much of this self-doubt that at times we fail to see how capable and great we are because we are forever called sinners). Take action as early as possible and live with your choice. Then be greater. For the sake of that sacrifice.

Thank you PROJECT 486, thank you. May you ever be blessed in your campaigns. Continue waking up this third world country and education people in their choices. You’re actually helping the population and the economy.

More power!

Nonie, 24, Quirino

 

“Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you” – P. Dixon


PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines LIII (53rd entry)

 

 

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PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines LII (52nd entry)

To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion  with Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) , we encourage them to make a reflection about their experience and share them with us and the world ( their personal data kept confidential).  A  “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them  a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery  and to a new  beginning.  The story submitted are published as they are — no revisions, no corrections (typo and all) except for some words or phrases that may compromise the patient’s privacy . Here’s one reflection from Mindy, a  college student  from San Juan City, Metro Manila,  Philippines who just turned 20 and about to go abroad for her OJT. 

We always practice maximum restraint in publishing pictures of POC’s (Products of Conception)  from our patients even if consent is given. The default position is not to publish any pictures at all. However in this case and possibly more in the future, the decision to release the photos online is more for the benefit of women contemplating such a life-changing decision. It is best to do the procedure in the first first 4-7 weeks of pregnancy for lesser emotional and physical strain on the patient. We asked for the consent of the patient and she gave us the nod.  UNLESS CONSENT/PERMISSION IS GIVEN, WE DON’T RELEASE  ANY PHOTOS from our patients. 


 

Ever since childhood, pinalaki kami na laging sinasabi samin ng Mamang noon na “Di makakatapos ng highschool yan, mabubuntis na yan”, “Di makakatungtong ng disi-otso yan nang hindi nabubuntis”, tska ng “Di makakatapos nang ‘di nabubuntis”. Funny, because I was 19, turning 20 in less than a month’s time and busy processing papers and documents for my OJT Abroad this coming November when my instinct was confirmed by 2 red lines. Bale, don ako na-bull’s eye sa “Di makakatapos ng di nabubuntis” kase nalagpasan ko yung HS and 18 years old.

 

Umpisa palang naging sexually active kami ng boyfriend ko, I made it clear to him that if I ever get pregnant, there is no way we could keep it. Not yet, hindi talaga kako. Yes, I want it to be with him, I want him to be my first and last, but in the right and perfect time. I know he wants to keep it, but we both know na hindi pa namin kaya so he respects and understands my decision and I am grateful for that.

watermarked-pt

When I saw those 2 red lines blinking back at me in my groggy state at 6am in the morning inside the bathroom, I wasn’t even surprised at all. Because even before deciding to take the PT, my boyfriend and I already knew that it would be a positive result. But yes of course, something inside me hoped for a negative. But, somehow you just know and feel it, right?

 

My initial thought was “No, hindi pwede. Ako nalang inaasahan ni Mommy. Mag gi-give back pa ko ng matindi sa lahat ng paghihirap nya. She deserves so much.” Tapos di na ko nakatulog uli, nagising ako sa result. Confirmed. That was September 5.

 

So September 7, I emailed Project486 na but it took me 5 more days (September 12) to gather all the courage I need to reply. That was 3 days before my birthday, I was a little bit down for that whole week because I was scared of what would be the outcome and circumstances if I undergo the procedure. Would it cost me my life?

 

The next day (September 13), Sir Alex gave me my consultant’s number- Sir John. So I texted Sir John on September 14, and within the same day I had received the documents I need to read and fully understand about the procedure from Sir Alex. And it took me another 4 days to reply again to the team since syempre nakakatakot. Medical abortion, sinong di natatakot sa word na “abortion”? Especially since its illegal in our country. But I reassured myself that I have to do it, that I can do it.

 

September 18, I asked Sir John if we can do the consultation through text nalang instead of call since I didnt think it would be safe for me to talk about such things without anyone hearing me at that time since my mom usually sleeps around past midnight. And besides I was a bit skeptical about talking to complete stranger, and I find it more convenient to talk through text nalang sana but I was told that the protocol was to do the consultation through phone.

 

So September 19, we did the consulatation over the phone. I was nervous as I waited for the other end to pick up the line, but the moment I heard Sir John’s voice, I somehow felt at ease because he sounded very professional and answered all my questions and explained everything even the littlest of details I need to know about the procedure. So after the consultation, I was reassured because I know I am in good hands, these people know what they’re doing. Im telling you.

 

September 20, I paid for the pills and got the tracking number before the day ended.watermarked-payment

 

September 22 – First day (Mife day)

-Starting 6am, low-folate diet na, it was superrrrr hard at first because strict diet talaga

watermarked-food

 

-12pm lunch, bastusan lang talaga kase ang sarap nung food namin! Gigil talaga super, it was fried rice

with variety of toppings like chicken siomai, squid, embutido, hotdog, and eggs tapos ang ulam breaded cream dory samantalang ako, oatmeal lang. Inisip ko nalang tiis tiis muna. Hahahha.

-3:30pm, bought foods for me and all the things we needed for the procedure, grabe nang-aasar yung mga pagkain and sweets don sa hypermarket! Hahahha,  then after mamili, we went to LBC to receive the item containing the pills. It was smooth.

watermarked-meds

 

-5:30-6pm, last meal na of the day tapos start na magfasting, nahirapan talaga ko most especially sa fasting dahil even water bawal eh I am the type of person that always keeps a glass of water near me so I can drink and keep myself dehydrated from time to time. 7pm palang uhaw na ko! Hahahha.

-Then around 11pm, while I was busy preparing my food for my 7am class the next morning, I felt nauseated probably because of the fasting and told Sir John about it he said to stay in bed to minimize movements.

-Around 11:20pm, still feeling nauseated, then siguro dahil na rin sa pag-iisip na ayokong inumin yung suka ko if ever isuka ko yung meds eh ayun na nga nasuka na ko, but after vomiting I somehow felt fine, di na nahihilo and everything. So I told Sir John about it and he said na if 10 mins before the intake, if I still feel like vomiting we can move daw the intake to 1am. So I tried to calm myself, but 10 mins before the intake, nagsuka nanaman ako and I thought about moving it to 1am nalang sana pero naisip ko di ko na kaya makapag hintay for another hour para makainom ng 1 cup of water so came 11:59, I proceeded to swallow the mife with 1 cup of water. Grabe, sobrang thankful ako sa 1cup of water na yon after 6 hours of fasting. But then again, after swallowing the mife, fast nanaman for another 6 hours so nagsleep na ko non.

 

September 23 – 2nd day

The whole day was composed of strict diet, super sunod talaga sa rules. Then don umuwi sa boyfriend ko since I will need his support sa procedure.

-Around 8:30 after dinner, nagsleep kami then alarm nalang ng 11pm, came the 11pm alarm antok pa tinatamad tumayo but we had to get up since it’ll be my last meal and then after eating, naligo na.

 

September 24- 3rd day

-12am, start na ng 16 hours fasting.

-Alarmed for 5:30am to urinate and defecate

-6am vaginal miso, my boyfriend inserted them and it was fun watching him wear gloves the sterile way. Then after the insert, you have to maintain that position for the next 8 hours.

-After just 30 mins of the vaginal miso, the cramps started. The hot compress helped a lot on easing the pain.

-From 7am-10am, the cramps came and go on different levels of pain, I believe that my pain tolerance is high but there was a moment na napakasakit nya talaga that my boyfriend had to ask me if pwede daw ba ako mag pain killer na, I was also close to asking Sir John if I could take a pain killer since allowed naman sya if di talaga kaya but I decided to endure the pain for the fear that it may interfere with the pills and procedure.

-10am, 90 mins buccal miso, I expected that it would be a bitter pill and was afraid that I might throw it up if that would be the case but surprisingly, wala lang syang lasa. My boyfriend also helped me change my diapers at that time and maraming dugo tapos may isang blood clot and boyfriend said may nakaipit pa sa V ko di pa lumalabas so I said not to pull it out just yet since the instruction is just let it flow out on its own. And after 10am then, the cramps were much more tolerable.

-10am-1pm, I was just either lying there, watching animal videos on facebook to keep my self stress free and divert my attention from the pain. The backpain of maintaining the same position for long hours bothered me a bit but I just had to endure the pain, think happy thoughts and look forward to the time that I am allowed to sit and stand up.

-1pm, nagpapalit ako ng diaper kay boyfriend because I thought na puno na sya since nararamdaman ko na parang ang dami ko ng nalabas but I pagkapalit ni boyfriend, isa lang din pala uli yung clot na lumabas and same lang din daw na oarang may nakaipit pa na di nalabas so I got worried kako na bat parang walang lumalabas sakin.\

watermarked-poc1

-1:44pm I was instructed that I can sit and stand up na upon doing the last dose of buccal miso by 2pm pero bandang 2:50 na ko naka sit and stand up. And naglakad-lakad across my boyfriend’s room and after just a few seconds of walking I suddenly felt like a flash

watermarked-poc2

flood rushed down from my V. Kaya pala hindi lumalabas eh need matayo para malaglag sila. So I rushed down the restroom to check and upon seeing the amount of blood clots, flesh and some white yolk-like thing, I knew that it was a success but I still had to take a picture of them to send to Sir Alex. Boyfriend saw the POCs and constantly asked if that
white yolk-like thing was our “baby”, I was telling him that I am not sure so he proceeded to search it up and said that it is indeed it. He was also the one who washed the POCs. Pictures was sent to Sir Alex at 3:24.

-4pm, end of my 16 hour fasting and first thing I did was drink a tall glass of cold-but-not-that-cold water and ate peaches as I was still waiting for my boiled chicken to cook. But still, buti nalang naging somewhat accustomed na yung body ko at di nahirapan sa 16 hour fasting since di ako nakaramdam ng uhaw at gutom from 6am-3:30pm.

-4:19pm, Sir John confirmed that I am now officially not pregnant and the procedure is a success. Also that the fasting and low-folate diet ends now.

 

Based on my LMP, I was 8 weeks along when I did the procedure but I believe that I was just in my 6th week. So, when we examined the white yolk-like and found a super small embryo inside and not a small fetus like what an 8 week pregnant would expect, I felt relieved because naagapan namin ng maaga, di pa sya nag foform. Before iflush since walang lupa sa bahay ng boyfriend ko, nag sorry kami sakanya and nag bye-bye.

 

Upon the confirmation, what I felt was pure relief and a pinch of guilt. Relief because we can now go on with our lives and guilt because we had to do it as we weren’t ready for it yet.

 

I am very thankful sa boyfriend ko dahil kahit faint-headed sya na nahihilo pag nakakakita ng big amounts of blood, he was still there for me all through out even pati don sa fasting, nakikisabay din sya. Nothing by the mouth din talaga sya, even water from 12am-4pm kahit sinasabihan ko na kumain na. He insisted na sabay na kami, sabay na daw. That was so sweet of him since yon lang magagawa nya para madamayan ako, dahil unfair daw na ako lang nahihirapan.

 

And to Project486 team, I am beyond grateful to you guys for giving me and many women a second chance at life. Salute, sirs.

 

For the women in need of Project486’s help, don’t hesitate to come at them. They know what they’re doing and they are all very professional, only the needed information and important questions will be asked. And kahit napaka kulit mo with many questions, iga-guide ka talaga nila from start to finish and even while you’re still recovering they will still be there for you. Just be sure to follow the instructions religiously and the procedure will be a success. Every penny will be worth it.

 

P.S: The pregnancy hormones are real! I get really emotional very quickly, lately.

 

-Mindy, 20, San Juan City, Metro Manila

 

“Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you” – P. Dixon

 


PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines LII (52nd entry)

PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines LI (51th entry)

To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion  with Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) , we encourage them to make a reflection about their experience and share them with us and the world ( their personal data kept confidential).  A  “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them  a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery  and to a new  beginning.  The story submitted are published as they are — no revisions, no corrections (typo and all) except for some words or phrases that may compromise the patient’s privacy . Here’s one reflection from Julia, an 18- year-old senior high-school student from Laguna, Philippines

We always practice maximum restraint in publishing pictures of POC’s (Products of Conception)  from our patients even if consent is given. The default position is not to publish any pictures at all. However in this case and possibly more in the future, the decision to release the photos online is more for the benefit of women contemplating such a life-changing decision. It is best to do the procedure in the first first 4-7 weeks of pregnancy for lesser emotional and physical strain on the patient. We asked for the consent of the patient and she gave us the nod.  UNLESS CONSENT/PERMISSION IS GIVEN, WE DON’T RELEASE  ANY PHOTOS from our patients. 

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I’m just an 18 year-old senior high school student. At this stage of being a teenager, I know madami pa kong pagdaanan dahil wala pa akong napapatunayam. Ang alam ng parents ko school bahay lang ako. They didnt even know na may boyfriend ako. Madami pako gustong gawin kase ayokong may masabe sila. Anyway, here’s the story of my worst nightmare.

I expected my period on august 16, chill lang kame ng boyfriend ko kahit wala pang nadating. We’ve been sexually active that time pero alam nyang hindi ako mabubuntis. After a week wala padin akong mens so kinakabahan nako and I started seaching some pregnancy signs na pwede kong maramdaman, pero wala naman nag tugma sakin.  I asked my boyfriend na ibili na nya ko ng Pt para malaman na namin. Nag pt ako after my class, there’s two lines pero faint line lang yung isa, I dont know kung anong ibig sabihin nung faint line, baka negative so I searched about it, positive. Haha I dont know kung anong mangyayare saken. Di ako maka paniwala, parang panaginip lang. Di pwedeng malaman ng parents ko. Takot at hiya yung nangingibabaw sakin at ayoko maging katulad nung mga teen moms na nahihirapan ngayon sa buhay nila.

Sinabi ko agad sa boyfriend ko kase hindi talaga pwedeng ituloy yun. We’re both students at hindi talaga pwede, hindi ko manlang matatapos kahit senior high? Ayokong pumasok sa school ng buntis, ayokong umuwi samin ng buntis, at ayokong malaman ng classmates at friends ko na buntis ako. Ayaw nya pumayag nung una dahil kasalanan daw yung gagawin namin at madami syang kilala na tinutuloy yung pagbubuntis but ended up living miserably kase walang trabaho at kawawa lang ang baby at  ayokong mangyari sa amin yun. Pumayag din sya kase inexplain ko na hindi talaga pwede.

I searched about this herbal way of inducing pregnancy, the parsley, dong quai, and vitamin c combination. Wala pa kaming pera ng boyfriend ko noon, plus wala din kaming mabilhan ng dong quai capsules, we even get to the point na kailangan namin ibenta ang phone nya at gamitin yung pera para sa fieldtrip ko haha. So pagka bili namin lahat ng kailangn, I followed the instructions na naging mahirap dahil kailangan kong itago yung pag inom ng parsley. Every midnight lang ako nainom. Then hindi din naging successful in the end.

Nag isip pako ng ibang way, binasa ko lang ng paulit ulit yung email ni ateng blogger and dun ko nakilala si project486, nung una may doubt ako kasi baka mahal kase medical abortion yun. But then I searched about it at nagbasa na din ako ng mga reflections from the patients. I talked to my boyfriend about it, na safe naman siguro at sigurado kasi may mga refelections akong nabasa. On my 6th week I emailed project 486, then sinunod ko yung instructions and requirements nila. Nag phone consultation na din, nalaman kona yung price ng medicines. Then hindi ulit naging madali para samin ng boyfriend ko maghanap ng money dahil parehas kaming students. It took 3weeks bago namin makumpleto yung payment.  Nag start na din magtaka si mama kasi di daw ako nagka mens last month tas ngayon wala padin. Sobrang frustrated ako that time and iwas na iwas nalang ako tuwing uuwi ako ng bahay.

On my 9th week, Nakumpleto na namin yung money. Nag away pa kami ng boyfriend ko bago namin isend yung payment kay sir John, parang gusto nya umatras sa gagawin namin 😦  watermarked-payment

 

Sept 18 monday, makukuha na namin yung package kaya nag start na agad ako ng low folate diet, it’s quite hard kase mabilis ako mag crave. 2nd day ang hirap padin kasi ang sarap ng dinner namin, at hindi ako pwedeng hindi kakain kase baka mahalata ni mama so di nasunod yung diet 😦 hehe

watermarked-med

3rd day!! I don’t know how can I describe my 3rd day seriously.

I started vaginal miso at 7am, then buccal miso at 11am. I felt so much pain dahil tumatalab na yung meds. Hindi naging tolerable ng hot compress yung puson ko so I have to take ibufropen with water, swerte ko naka inom ako kahit konting water hehehe. Naghintay ako until 4pm at nagwoworry nako kasi baka matagalan yung paglabas ng POCs. Sobrang masakit na sa likod yung pag higa ko ng 8hrs and gutom at uhaw na din ako. But Before I started the next buccal miso intake, I feel like I’m about to defecate. I immediately go to the cr then I felt something came out from my V. As expected, it was my baby, my blood, my flesh. I’ve seen it as the most awful and difficult scenario I’ve ever experienced. It doesn’t matter how I suffered the pain throughout the procedure, what makes it more painful was seeing my boyfriend feel those emotional pain that I am trying to hide from him, na kahit ang hirap sakin, ako nalang yung umintindi at hindi kona inisip yung nararamdaman ko.

He saw our baby, na hindi nya alam kung ano yung mararamdaman nya, ayaw nya watermarked-pocmagalit sakin but I know deep down his soul kasalanan ko yun. Nag aaway kami, naging cold yung treatment nya sakin. He told me na pinatay ko yung anak nya. Mas depressed pa sya sakin after I’ve successfully overcome the procedure 😦 1week after hindi padin kami okay, nakaka guilty lang kase yung ginawa ko that pinilit ko tiisin kahit ang sakit nung naging decision ko. I was not able to let my baby see this world. I was not able let my baby born. It sucks knowing that it will be forever in my heart but then I cant do anything to bring it back. That’s why bakit naging ganon ang boyfriend ko, dahil naging mahina at takot ako. I couldn’t do anything but Intindihin sya at maging strong para saming dalwa. I’ve learned to choose my life and accept these consequences. Lavan lang!

Thank you so much project486! without your existence siguro najombag nako ng nanay ko. Thank you so much sir John! Sir Alex!

-Julia, 18, Senior-high student, Laguna

“Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you” – P. Dixon

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PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines LI (51th entry)