PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XXXIX

To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion  with Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) , we encourage them to make a reflection about their experience and share them with us and the world ( their personal data kept confidential).  A  “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them  a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery  and to a new  beginning.  Here’s one reflection from Yel, a 21-year old working student from Marikina City, Philippines

Hi! I’m  Yel, 21 years of age and never in my life I have imagined being in this kind of mess, well neither all of us would want to. But wherever we are right now, who we are and where we intended to be is a product of our own choices. Our destiny is basically being based on our decisions.

I was delayed for about a week, and I know that something isn’t right, being that person who is always being fully aware of of herself and her surroundings, but I’ve waited for a couple more days. On the 7th day, I started getting really dizzy, sleepy and always wanting to throw up, and that convinced me that I should take a test… and.. viola! It came out positive, just what I expected but the confirmation that came out with those three different brands of pt hits me hard. It shattered my soul, broke my heart and I feel that I failed as a daughter to my parents. I started to think what to do, should I go away from here and started living on my own? Tell him this and go somewhere far?, but I can’t, how about my dreams, my parent’s dreams for me? I can’t raise this child alone.

I was so selfish, and I’m sorry that I came to the point that I wanted to stop this. I started searching for natural methods, and have no success. Until I came across a blog about vitamin c and parsley, I emailed the blogger and told me more about the procedure and if all else fails she recommended me to do that plan B, medical abortion, I thought to myself ‘hell no!’. I started doing this for about three or four days but was not getting any results. And shit, I did consider plan b. I was so scared of getting scammed, at this point in my life I can’t really afford to be deceive by anyone. And so I’ve done researched but the only thing I got are reflections of women that they did helped. Being desperate, I contacted them, Sir Alex and Sir John helped me throughout the procedure, I might be physically alone doing this but they’ve been with me the whole time, updating me, reminding me about the meds making sure I’m okay.The procedure is kinda tough, especially if you are doing it alone and no one to reached out to, so I really thanked Sir Alex especially Sir John for being there with me, being patient, supportive and understanding.

And to my unborn, I am sorry if I am not ready, if am too scared, too irresponsible, coward, and selfish. Those are not even enough reason why I did it in the first place. But from here, I have learned it the hard way and have faced the consequences of my actions. Thank you project486 for giving me a choice, for being the choice. I hope you will help more women who are in need. If only there is a better way to tell you my deepest gratitude, I will surely do.

 

Yel, 21, Marikina City

 

“Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you” – P. Dixon

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PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XXXIX

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PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XXXVIII

To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion  with Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) , we encourage them to make a reflection about their experience and share them with us and the world ( their personal data kept confidential).  A  “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them  a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery  and to a new  beginning.  Here’s one reflection from Lyz, a 17-year old student from Quezon City, Philippines

====================

Hello sir alex . Goodeve po.

Eto napo yung reflection ko.
Pakichange nalang po yung name and location po. Maraming maraming salamat po sa inyo. pasensya napo kung napakahaba. Ito po kase yung paraan ko para malabas ko po yung sakit thankyou po.
I remember my LMP ( february 22,2017) When I found out that I was pregnant, I was shock. I was so scared, worried and depressed all at the same time. I am very young. Were not still ready for this. Im scared, if my parents/  specially my father find out about it they will surely be mad . My father will kill me and my boyfriend too. and I dont want that happen. They have a high expectation to me. And I have so many dreams to fulfill first, and I know I can’t support my baby financially if were going to let the baby born. So I was so desperate to do an abortion. I am in my 4weeks of pregnancy
I tried to drink 12pcs of cortals with a softdrinks. But nothing happen. Im losing my hope by that time. Im so stressed and depressed. Im skipping my foods at night or day.
Im about to commit suicide. But my boyfriend told me “How’s your dream, if you will be going to kill yourself. We will just let it born”
Im crying that night and don’t know what to do and he tried to calm me down. The day after that im still trying to search a way of inducing miscarriage. I overdose my self with Vitamin C  .
But there’s nothing happen until Im in my 8  weeks of pregnancy. My mother ask me if I have my mens na daw. I said “yes. Last week pa” I lied to her.  Because I am very scared . When she found out it.
 she always monitoring me. So everytime when we see each other she always asking me. Maybe she’s not satisfied in my answer. So she did away. She discovered . My PT in my drawer. And then I lied again. I denied it.
But she and tita(the mother of my bf) talked about it. And mama told to her. That I am pregnant. And mama told her to ask me if its true and don’t be scared to say the truth.
And then weeks passed. Tita ask me about my mens. We talked about it with my bf.
Im 10 weeks preggy the day we tell the truth
Then they decided to abort it.
My mother ask help to my sister to searched for possible ways to do miscarriage.
        So to make the long story short,
My mother gave me a piece of paper told me to contact Project486 (project486.ca@gmail.com) and tell about my situation.
       I didn’t contact it pa. Cause I don’t have idea if what is that. I searched it in the google then I found out the reflection of the women who undergo in abortion.
  and then, I sent project486.ca@gmail.com an email asking for help. I knew that the longer the pregnancy goes, the harder it would be for me to get rid of it.
       After sending some details that Im almost 10 weeks pregnant, then I checked my email. Then I saw they have a reply na. I read it and Sir Alex told me to hurry.  I read the details he sent to me. Then he assigned me to my phone consultant sir john. He told me everything that I need to know about medical abortion. Of course at first I had doubts but they made sure that they already told me everything that may happen and what should I do. I should have my ultrasound first daw. Then I emailed the result. Im already 12 weeks that time(May 17,2017). I am afraid because im in my second trimester. And sir john told me that I have nothing to be afraid of. He told me that we should hurry to have the medicine by that week. Then Wednesday We send the payment. And Sir john told me to start my Day 1(thursday May18.2017)  Then we got the medicine by that day.
I started to eat low folate foods.
And then 12pm I take the first pill which is mifepristone. And I felt nothing when I take it.
The next day (May 19.2017)
I felt hungry. And it was never easy. To eat low folate foods because Im matakaw. And Specially the fasting.
3rd day its Miso day(May 20)
I need to fast for 18 hrs. Instead 6:00 am my vaginal miso it became 18 because im waiting to my companion. So that I have to adjust the schedule. That was not easy for me.
After inserting it.  I feel the pain It’s not the normal pain for me. It’s too hard for me.
I felt too much pain. So that Im stressing my self that time and so I cried. You know the feeling when You really should avoid stress and then suddenly ending up having all kinds of stress at the same time. It was hard to do it. but sir john told me. I should be relaxed and stress-free.
I do the bucal miso. By 12 pm instead of 10 am and a blood came. I still feel the pain.
4pm when I take the last bucal. And sir john told me that I can stand and walk na.
Exactly when Im going to stand I feel pain like dysmenorrhea but it’s not only like that .
When Im going to hop I felt a big came out to my diaper.  And It’s my baby. I cried to the cr. When I saw him he’s almost formed.
I was confused. I dont know whether to feel happy or be guilty.
And then I send the pictures of my POC’s to sir Alex .
And after they evaluate it.
Sir john text me that I am now officially not pregnant.
I felt range of emotions, like depression, sadness, loss, guilt and even blaming myself for what I did. At the same way I felt relief knowing that I succeed.
 To my unborn Baby boy
Baby I’m very sorry for what mommy did to you.
I love you so much even though I didn’t hug you and hold you. But Im carrying you for almost Three months. You are here in me for three months. You holding in my tummy but mommy do this to you. Im sorry baby
I did this to you because mommy’s situation is not yet stable. Mommy did not yet finish studies. So
Please forgive me/us baby for doing this to you.
I know your almost formed. You completedly formed. And you are a baby boy
Mommy felt guilt for what I did to you. I hope someday if Mommy finish her studies and have stable life with daddy I hope you will come back to us baby. Dont be mad at me/us. This can’t be happening again.
Im always praying for you my baby.
I promise to you baby if you come back to us in the right time. I will let you born and feel how life is.
And I will love you forever. You always have a part in my heart. And it will never lost forever my baby boy.
Your my angel. Please always guide me nalang baby wherever you are now. You are my angel. I will never forget you my babyboy.
Youre always here in my heart and mind.
I loveyouverymuch my Babyboy. May you rest in peace baby.
Please understand me . Im asking for forgiveness to you. Specially to God who gave you to us . But we did’nt let you born.
Hope you will understand the reason why mommy did this.
We love you baby. I love you so much😭😭😭😭
Love, Mommy,Daddy,Lola’s and tita’s
Lastly,
I would like to thank.
 Project 486 specially to sir john and sir alex who never failed to monitor me at this difficult situation of mine. I asked sir john a lot of questions and never failed to answer me. Their guidance was priceless. They gave me much of their time.
I will always be thankful to project486, specially to my concern consultant sir john 😂😂 thank you so much po for helping me. Alam nyo po kung gano ako kakulit magtanong pero wala kapong sawang sagutin ito. Salamat po ng marami. Sa binigay nyong oras at tulong sakin.
 If it weren’t through project486 I would still be in great trouble.
I am officially not pregnant(May20.2017). But
the procedure and the things I did to my baby. Is still in my mind and heart. I know this I am not fully recovered but I need to continue the chapter of my life. Even though it hurts. That God gave me a baby at the wrong time .
But still Im Asking forgiveness to God and To my Baby 😭😭😭
-Lyz, 17, student , Quezon City
“Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you” – P. Dixon
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PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XXXVIII

PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XXXVII

To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion  with Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) , we encourage them to make a reflection about their experience and share them with us and the world ( their personal data kept confidential).  A  “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them  a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery  and to a new  beginning.  Here’s one reflection from Jamier D., a  21-year old new college graduate from  Nueva Ecija, Philippines.

So paano ko nga ba sisimulan,. Yung isa sa pinakamalaking desisyon sa buhay ko na mali pero dapat at kailangang gawin , yun yung hindi ko binigyan ng pagkakataong mabuhay yung isang batang pinagkaloob sakin ni God .. Sobrang hirap isipin dahil kahit kelan  di sumagi sa isip ko na mangyayari yung pagkakataon na gagawin ko yung bagay na alam kong hindi tanggap ng tao at hindi tanggap ng diyos. So ayun na nga first week ng May nalaman kong buntis ako hindi ko alam yung mararamdam ko dahil graduating ako nun at wala pa kong kakayahan na bumuhay o bumuo ng pamilya , kaya di ako nagdalawang isip na hindi siya pwedeng mabuhay pa.. At isa din sa pinakadahilan ko kung bakit bawal pa kong magkaanak is ayokong magaya sa mga ate kong maagang nag asawa .. Bunso akong babae sa aming mag kakapatid at ako yung isa sa pinakamataas ang pangarap kaya sa laki ng ego ko hindi ko kayang tanggapin na isa din pala akong failure ng magulang ko dahil hindi ko man lang maibabalik lahat ng hirap na ginawa nila sakin.. Kahit sabihin ng partner ko na kayang niyang buhayin yung baby namin.. Kaya May 8 nagmessage ako sa project 486 na paano ba bumili ng pills kasi base sa mga napanuod ko sa youtube sobrang effective ng medicine na mife and miso then kinabukasan nag message na si sir alex as in sobrang kulit ko sa knya sa kagustuhan kong malaman if totoo yung mga nasa post , then binigay niya sakin lahat ng info tapos pinass ko din yung mga kailangan isend sa kanya at finorward niya no. Ko kay sir john na sobrang bait kausap , at nabuhayan ako ng loob dahil sabi ko sa wakas matutupad ko na din mga dreams ko.. So after namin mag usap ni sir john nagbayad na ko and inumpisahan yung procedure , medyo natagalan lang magstart kasi tinapos ko pa graduation ko..

May 16 nagstart na ko ng strict dieting hindi ako gaanong nahirapan dahil sanay nman akong magdiet haha.. Tapos 12 am ininum ko na yung mise after nun wala akong naramdaman kaya sabi ko naku di ata effective , may 17 di ko alam gagawin ko dahil bawal daw ako gumawa ng kahit anong household chores so hindi ko alam idadahilan ko sa mama ko kya pumunta ko kila lola kunware dadalawin ko siya,. So may 18 miso day buti nalang wala sila mama kaya nagawa ko sa bahay yung procedure 6 am ginagawa ko na yung pag insert ng miso sa V  then 9 am may lumabas ng dugo sakin nagtext ako kay sir john sabi niya wait ko yung 2 pm para tignan kasi ako lang mag isa yung gumawa wala akong kasama,. 10 am nagbucal miso na ko after nun may sunod panglumabas sakin na dugo pero nung tignan ko ng 2 pm wala sa diaper ko.. Pag tanggal ko ng diaper ko at umihi ako dun lumabas yung maraming dugo at kasama yung bata ko ,. Unang naramdaman ko yung natuwa dahil natapos na yung problema ko dahil di na ko makatulog at makakain kakaisip pero naiyak din ako dahil naawa ako sa baby ko na hindi ko naiparamdam sa knya kung paano mabuhay sa mundo.. But sobrang pasasalamat ko kay sir alex and sir john na tumulong sakin para ipagpatuloy ko yung pangarap ko.. I know na naging selfish ako pero alam kong maiintindihan ako ni lord kung bakit ko nagawa yun..
Jamier D.
new grad,  Nueva Ecija
“Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you” – P. Dixon
—————————————————————————————————————————————–PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XXXVII

PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XXXVI

To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion  with Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) , we encourage them to make a reflection about their experience and share them with us and the world ( their personal data kept confidential).  A  “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them  a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery  and to a new  beginning.  Here’s one reflection from Izzy, a  23-year old procurement staff from Makati City, Philippines.


When I found out that I was pregnant, my whole world shattered. I am not ready yet and my relationship with my boyfriend is on the rocks. I usually get delayed so di naman ako masyado kinabahan. Pero nung last time, kinabahan na ako. Kasi we had unsafe sex. So I decided to take a PT. Nanlamig ako nung nakita ko na nagdalawang guhit sya, It took me 3 tries before I convinced myself na totoo na nga to. Di ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko. Though, yung BF ko naman and his Family, gusto na na magkaron kmi ng baby. The problem is, I became unsure sa relationship namin kasi nakakasakal sya. To make the long story short, I decided to remove the baby. Una nagtake ako ng Vitamin C, Parsley and Dong Quai. E parang wala syang effect for me or sobrang eager lang ako makuha agad result. Lol. It wasn’t so easy for me kasi we live together and sobrang higpit nya. As in hindi ako pwedeng umalis ng bahay.

So ayun, yung first day, di naman ako gano nahirapan.. Syempre yung mahirap yung sacrficing your food. Tapos meron pang may birthday sakanila non, so kunyari tikim tikim lang ako. On the third day, the big day, I checked in to a hotel all by myself. I started ng 7am yata. And pagdating ng mga 11am, I had an unbearable cramps, it lasted for hours. Pero tiniis ko nalang talaga lahat. When I was preparing for check out, mga 5pm na non, nakaramdam ako ng urge to pee tas parang sakit ng tyan ko. And ayon, biglang lumabas yung POC (Products of Conception) ko. Di ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko nung nakita ko yung baby ko. Sobrang liit nya pa and meron na syang eyes. Tas parang pahaba na sya na parang magfform na ng legs. I was in my 8 weeks already when I did the procedure. Inabot ako ng 8 weeks kasi meron pa akong championship game na kailangan tapusin kaya napatagal ako. Supposedly, 6 weeks palang nagawa ko na dapat. But ayun nga. And before I forget, sobrang stressed ko sa kung paano tatakas sa BF ko, ang nainom ko nung 1st day is AHF instead of Mife. So nung dapat 3rd day, na, as in nainsert ko na yung Miso sa V ko, pinalabas ulit ni Sir John kasi nga nagkamali ako ng nainom. So napahaba ulit yung process ko. But in the end, nagawa ko pa rin naman.

Never sumagi sa isip ko na magagawa ko tong bagay na to, pero no one will understand unless andon na sila sa situation na yon. It wasn’t easy for us pero we had to make a choice. And we know that we’re gonna be forever sorry for this. But we had to make a choice for ourselves and for our baby. We all have our own reasons and no one will understand that unless they are in our situation.

To my baby, sorry. Sorry if Mommy wasn’t ready yet for you. Sorry if I was too selfish. Please understand that Mommy had to make a choice. For the both of us. And to our Lord God, sorry for what I did. I know walang kapatawaran to Lord, pero please understand me.

To Sir John and the whole team, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING SO PATIENT. Sa lahat ng questions ko and for the big help. Sobrang Thank you!

 

-Izzy, 23, Procurement, Makati City, Philippines

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“Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you” – P. Dixon


PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XXXVI

PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XXXV

To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion  with Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) , we encourage them to make a reflection about their experience and share them with us and the world ( their personal data kept confidential).  A  “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them  a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery  and to a new  beginning.  Here’s one reflection from Tiarra , a  26-year mother of  2  and a returning student from Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental, Philippines.

Hi naknak! Im so sorry mama did not give u a chance to live ha?!i know ur ate and kuya love you so much plus c papa pa. C mama lang talaga nak kelangan mag aral ulit para maibigay sana namin ung magandang future para sa inyo kaso i have to lose you. I promise nak tatapusin ko pag aaral ko,guide me anak ha. C papa mo at mga kapatid mo. You’re our angel from up above. Tell God my sincere sorry nak ha. Hope you and God can forgive me for what i did. Mama will always loves you. WE will always love you, forever nak. Lagi ka nasa prayers ni mama nak.

As i am typing this message for my baby, tears are falling down. I cried because of “what ifs”. What if di ko na lang tinuloy?kasi may asawa naman ako. May dalawa akong anak na gustong gusto magkaroon ng kapatid but still tinuloy ko pa rin. Ung konsensya ko andito eh. Pero i have to be strong at tanggapin ung naging decision ko.

To all the woman out there, think a million times talaga. Like a MILLION times. And to sir  John’s team,sir Alex and project 486. They are real,they are not scammers. Sir john will explain every details to you. But again think before you’re going to do it.

-Tiarra, 26, mother and returning student, Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental

“Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you” – P. Dixon


PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XXXV