PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XXI

To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion  with  Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) , we encourage them to make a reflection on their experience and share them with us and the world ( their personal data kept confidential).  A  “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them  a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery  and to a new  beginning.  Here’s one reflection from  Elie, a   30 year  old English instructor   from Malabon City, Metro Manila, Philippines
Hello Sir Alex.
Here is my reflection. 🙂 Thank you again.
I’ve been staring at my computer for several minutes now before
I was able to type down something. I’ve been pondering how to
start this and it seems like I’ve already lost my prowess and
it’s just heavy. Perhaps I just didn’t imagine that I’d be
writing and sharing this experience to others. I wanted to keep
this all to my self but I realized this is at least worth sharing
to those who might be in the similar situation as I was a few
days back. Let me begin my story by justifying why I did what I
did.
I am a working mom. I am living with my boyfriend for almost a
year now. We decided to live together before I gave birth to a
lovely baby girl. I gave birth early this year and we had to be
separated from our daughter because there’s no one to take care
of her here in the metro while my bf and I are working. To be
honest, life for us has been diffifult, financially that is,
after I delivered my baby. We didn’t expect that my delivery
would be a complicated one and that it meant a bigger expense
than what we’ve expected. To cut the story short, we’ve been
having difficulties managing our finances eversince I gave birth.
Nevertheless, we are able to survive eventhough we have a lot of
bills and debts to pay. My bf and I have managed to work and play
from time to time. We’ve agreed not to have another baby until we
settle everything. We’ve been living quite okay until well, what
we feared happened, an unexpected pregnancy. I was waiting for my
period to come in the first week of October but it never came. I
gave myself time and I thought maybe my period will just be a
little bit delayed. One, two, three weeks passed and still no
period. That’s when I felt nervous and decided to do a PT. My
intuition still never failed me. I confirmed I was pregnant and
immediately told my bf. He was not surprised anymore at all but I
couldn’t really tell what he was thinking. We were silent for a
short while and then I started crying. He hugged me and said
everything will be alright. Days passed until we talked and
decided what to do. Heaven forgive us but we’ve both decided and
agreed that we couldn’t continue the P.
From then on, I searched
online some ways on how to induce a miscarriage (I didn’t want to
call it abortion at that time) and found several natural ways. I
tried some but after several dosages of various stuff, I finally
gave up because it didn’t seem to be working. I was desperate so
I continued my search until I came across a blog and I e-mailed
the writer. The writer recommended the same natural ways for
Option A and to my surprise, she included another option, Option
B. I was curious what Option B was so I searched for it and found
some testimonials of some ladies who underwent the process. As I
was reading through them I was asking myself, are these really
true? I was having doubts but because I was already decided to do
it, I’ve finally decided to contact them.

After I sent my first e-mail, I was quite anxious if they would
really reply. To my surprise, after a few hours I got a reply
from Sir Alex. He introduced what the project was and sent the
requirements I have to submit first before he could give me more
details about the procedure. It took me a few days before I
complied due to a little hesitation. After submitting what I have
to submit, I waited and finally was instructed to have a
consulation with Sir John. My hesitation grew bigger and so
again, it took me a few days before doing the consultation. I
honestly wasn’t very curious about the process, instead I was
more curious of how much it will cost. I was expecting we will be
spending a lot that’s why I was hesitant. When I finally got a
word from Sir John about the cost, I was a bit frustrated because
although the cost was not THAT high for my case, we were still
out of budget at that time. My bf took the initiative to look for
ways to raise that amount. It was a bit difficult at first
because we didn’t want to ask financial help from people we are
closed with. It was just another burden for us to include other
people. I thought to myself that if we couldn’t raise the money
in time (I was at 10 weeks at that time) then maybe I was not
meant to undergo the process and that made me feel really
depressed. I’ve been distracted at work and I couldn’t eat
properly for days until my bf texted me one day that he already
completed the money we needed to avail of the meds. That day my
bf accompanied me to where I could send in the money and as I was
lining up, I felt very uneasy. I was thinking, “What if this is
all just a scam? What will we do next?” But I already came that
far and I said, there’s no holding back.
I contacted Sir John and
informed him that I already sent the money. Next day came and we
were very anxious if we’ll be able to really get a parcel
containing the meds. It finally came and as soon as saw the meds,
I felt relieved but scared. I finally realized that soon I’ll be
doing the procedure. I wasn’t sure if I was already physically
and emotionally ready. I had a few worries that we won’t be able
to follow the procedure properly and everything will fail.
Taking the first med was pretty fine. I was more scared with the
procedure on the 3rd day but I was still secured because my bf
was there with me as well as Sir John, who was very accommodating the whole time. He didn’t fail to give me reminders on what to do
next. After I took my 3rd dose of the meds, I lied down waiting
for what’s going to happen next. After a few hours, I felt like
something was coming out like I was having my period. I informed
Sir John about it. After the designated number of hours of lying
down, I again felt like there was something coming out so I
decided to grab a small bucket we prepared to collect whatever
was coming out of me. It suddenly gushed out of me in like a
couple of seconds (while I was sitting on the bucket). I sat
there for several minutes waiting for more to come out until I
felt like that was it for the moment. When I stood up I felt like
I was stripped off every bit of energy from my body. I fixed
myself and immediately lied down again. I think I was able to
take a nap. I gathered the energy I have left at that moment and
decided to examine everything that came out of me. As I was going
through what I’ve collected, I was able to take hold of a small
mass of something. I was surprised to see the little one. Tears
just started to fall and I started crying. I can’t exactly tell
how I felt that time. My bf just rushed to the bathroom and he
saw that little one on my palm. I couldn’t look at his face and
he just hugged me and started saying “Im sorry”. It took time
before I got my composure back. I just followed all the other
instructions that Sir John told me after that. After a day, I got
my final assessment from Sir John saying that I wasn’t pregnant
anymore. I felt relieved, sad, guilty all at the same time.
I still couldn’t imagine that I went through this process. I
apologize deeply to our little one and I just hope that he/she
will understand why we did it and forgive us for what we did.
I would like to thank the staff of Project 486 for being there
for me all through out the process. Truly I didn’t make a mistake
trusting you.
To all the other women who are in the same position as I was, I
am not encouraging you to do it if you have hesitations. Think
things over a hundred times and if you’ve finally decided to do
it, I strongly recommend you to trust Project 486.
Elie, 30, Malabon,Philippines
” Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you.” – P. Dixon
________________________________________________________________
PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XX
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PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XX

To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion  with  Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) , we encourage them to make a reflection on their experience and share them with us and the world ( their personal data kept confidential).  A  “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them  a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery  and to a new  beginning. Here’s one reflection from  Rocky,  a 25 year old  data encoder from Cavite, Philippines. She chose to address female readers directly. 

 

Hi girls! I’m Roxy, a mother of one child. 26 years of age. Just got separated from the father of my child last year and got my new boyfriend last May. Like in your case, I got pregnant unwanted, unexpected and really unplanned. But in this recent case of mine, I really need to do the procedure of abortion for I could not affect many lives to choose over one life. I don’t know if I can give you girls courage and guts in thinking, planning and doing an abortion; cause me, myself, never ever think, plan and do it.

 

I am sharing this not to encourage you girls to do abortion but PLEASE HAVE A RESPONSIBLE SEX AND FACE THE CONSIQUENCES OF IT, IF MISSED!

 

Thank you Project486 (Alex and John); Ms. Sampaguita who told me about this Project486 that help me in my situation. This won’t be a success without them.

 

By the way, I send this story exactly 40 days after the successful procedure. 40 days death of my supposed to be “BABY”… Sorry Little one. ;

-Rocky , 25, data encoder, Cavite, Philippines

 

” Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you.” – P. Dixon


PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XX

PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XIX <in progress…to be updated after the procedure)

For a change, here is J, a 21 year old college student who had just purchased the med package today.   J is one of the many present and past patients who failed in their first attempt (different med supplier) at medically induced miscarriage. J’s failure can be attributed to substandard medication (meds only have a at least 1/4 of the active substance), poor technical support from the provider of the meds,  and wrong procedure.  It would be pretty  inaccurate to say that the Medical Procedure didn’t work for her because what she did the first time  was not according to the standard set by the World Health Organization on early termination of pregnancies. Here she is sharing her misfortune of  failing her first first attempt because of the lack of  professional advice  (and probably substandard meds)  and at the same time expressing her optimism in doing it right this time with Project 486

Nov. 2, 2016
Dear Project 486,

My name is J. I am 21 years old and I just graduated from college. My family lives abroad while I stayed here in the Philippines through my whole college years. Being the eldest in the family has always been a burden to me. My parents expected me to graduate on time and to not disappoint them in any way because our family’s reputation was the most important to them. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to make my parent’s dream come true of them wanting me to become a registered nurse by now. I didn’t see my future in the field of Nursing, so I shifted to a different course. My parents were devastated. Until now they keep reminding me of how I’d get a better future and career if only I ended up being nurse… I never felt good enough for my family even though I knew that what they wanted was better for me and especially for them, since I was their firstborn who would be able to help raise and support my siblings.

I understand my parents. I know how hard it is to sacrifice just to survive and provide for the family. I talk to them everyday and they always tell me how tired they are of working hours and hours without sleep just to give my siblings and I a good life. I love my family so much that I’d never want to disappoint them again. I have failures of different kinds but being a disgrace to the family is one that I would never ever commit to. This is why I decided to go through with the abortion when I first found out that I was pregnant. When I saw the two lines on the pregnancy test, I didn’t know what to feel. All I had in mind is that I have to get a job to help out with the family.

I’ve gathered sources and a friend told me that people in my situation go to Quiapo to avail the pills that would abort the embryo. My boyfriend got the pills (9pcs Misoprostol and 9pcs of unbranded pain reliever) and along with it was a piece of paper with the written instructions, which I later on discovered was an improper procedure. I took the risk of taking a certain dosage without proper consultation from a professional and ended up having a missed miscarriage wherein a week later my ultrasound results found a 7 weeks fetus with no heartbeat inside the placenta. I have not completed the abortion. My doctor advised me to schedule a D&C (Dilatation and Curettage) immediately but I roughly refused. The surgical procedure was too expensive. I didn’t know where else to get that amount of money. I ran out of hope. I was on the verge of ending my life from all the stress. I stopped living. I stayed at home all day and went out only when I was told to. I didn’t want to socialize with people because laughing and smiling was even harder to do. I hated myself and accepted how I have already failed in life. All I had in mind was how disappointed my mom would be if she found out about my situation… She would never want to see me like this.

Until one day, I came across an article online about a girl who was in the same situation as I was. She talked about herbal medication and somehow that gave me hope. I was able to contact her through e-mail and thankfully, I received a response. Although she told me how herbal medications only work for those who are less than 3 weeks pregnant, she gave me another option. She introduced me to Project 486, a network of pro-choice health professionals who guide and support you throughout the process of medical abortion. I researched about them and I came across their website that had a lot of testimonies from women who have gone through the process with their help. I didn’t hesitate and contacted them right away. I knew they were the right people to approach especially when we live in a country that doesn’t support abortion and despise people who see it as an option. I needed a professional who would support the decision I’m going through. I needed someone who’d understand and that is Project 486.

So here I am, thanking Project 486 for giving me hope in fixing my life again. With the amount of information and guidance I have received, I believe that I am in good hands. I know that I’m facing the consequences of my mistakes but this is me taking charge of my life and my future. Someday I would be successful and would be able to give my family and my firstborn a better life.

… to be continued.

-J, 21, College student

 


UPDATE:

J, with the help of the genuine meds and right procedure from Project 486 has finally expelled the POC’s. The POC’s that she expelled were obviously dead for quite sometime. She was at risk of infection, luckily she was successful this time having done it with the right medicine and the right procedure.

 


PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XIX

PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XVIII

To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion  with  Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) , we encourage them to make a reflection on their experience and share them with us and the world ( their personal data kept confidential).  A  “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them  a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery  and to a new  beginning.  Here’s one reflection from  She,    22-years old Veterinary  Med student   from  Samar.

Magandang umaga Sir,

       Isa po ako sa mga taong may malaking pasasalamat sa grupo ninyo, taos puso po akong nagpapasalamat sa inyo!
Ibabahagi ko lang po ang kaunting istorya ko po. Ako po ay isang Vet.Med student at kasalukuyang nasa ika anim na taon, at dahil po dito mas nangibabaw po talaga sa akin ang pagpapakuha ng malaman ko po at na kumpirmang buntis po ako. Alam ko po malaking kasalanan pero kung ang kapalit naman ay ang kinabukasan ko, at kung ipapatuloy ko… wala pa rin akong siguradong magandang kinabukasan na maibibigay sa kanya, ayokong dumati g araw na sisihin nya ako na hindi ko maibigay sa kanya ang buhay na dapat nyang matamasa…

      Nang malaman kong buntis po ako, apat na araw na hindi ako dinatnan, madaling araw po akong ng PT noon tapos ng makita ko ang dalawang linya sa dalawang PT na sinubukan ko, di ko alam kung maiiyak ba ako or ano… Blanko po talaga… Kaya nag search ako sa internet at may nakitang “herbal way of abortion”, isang blog ang nabasa ko kaya agad amo nga email sa email address na nanduon… at nabasa ko po na ‘plan b’ po ang project na to at inilagay ng blogger ang email nyo…

    Isang linggo po akong nagbabakasakaling makakaya ng herbal way, idagdag pa po na Intrams week namin at may laro kami dula sa isang araw, bali tatlong araw yong Intramurals namin… Pumupuslit na umaalis at umiinom ng gamot kada oras, nagbabaon po ako non… Di ko na kilala ang katawan ko, mabilis na akong mapagod at kahit kaunting takbo pakiramdam ko isang libot ng oval na ang nagawa ko… Natakot ako at nangamba na baka d kaya ng herbal way dahil sa pagiging player ko. Pangkalahatan nakaka.stress po talaga sa maraming paraan, yong pagiging desperado ko na makabili ng mga gamit sa herbal na bumabyahe pa ako ng isang oras sa pabilihan at isang oras pauwi, yong d na ako nakaramdam ng gutom sa pag.aabala na baka magsuka ako, ilang botelyang gamot ang na inom ko, na gumigising ako ng madaling araw, na may exam pa ako na hindi ko makayang mag.focus (buti nlng first long pa lang makakabawi pa), yong nasa isip ko lng kung paano ko to matatanggal, hindi pa ako handa, hindi pa talaga kami handa…

  Hanggang sa umiinit ng ulo ko na inaaway ko ng nobyo ko, na sa galit ko sa problema gusto ko ng humiwalay sa kanya, na halos gabi2 umiiyak ako, na pakiramdam ko wala akong matatakbohan, hindi ko alam ano ng gagawin ko… Tinigil ko na ang herbal way masakit na sa bulsa, nauubusan na ako ng pasensya at pag.asa… Kaya ayon na pag.desisyonan kung mag.email sa inyo… Alam kong malaking halaga talaga ang magagasta pero kung ikukumpara sa pambuhay ko rito walang tama ang magagasta ko sa inyo, at dahil wala pa akong trabahi at ang nobyo ko lang ang nakatapos at may trabaho kaya yon nangutang ako sa kanya…

   Nagresearch ako sa mga abortion pill na na.mention nyo po at medyo nag.alinlangan ako sa mga side effecta ng gamot… Idagdag pa ang gastosin. Habang naghinhintay ako sa pera, pinipilit ko ang sarili ko na parang sa dating ako lng pero wala talagang oras na d ako makapag.isip ng malalim… parang pasan ko ang mundo… parang nagraramdaman ko na ‘suicidal’ na ako… Na habang nakatitig ako sa mga Lidocaine at surgical blade, ini.imagine ko na nagla.lidocaine ako tapos yong blade i.sa.slice ko sa pulso ko… yong mga tipong ganun, napaka desperada ko na….

    Hanggang sa dumating yong araw na may pera na at magpapadala na ako, desperada na talaga ako na talagang walang pagdududa na pagtitiwala, kayo lng ang inaasahan kong makakatulong talaga sa akin. Nabuhayan kasi ako ng loob ng nagtawag at may kaunting advices si Sir John-stress-free… Binuhay nyo po talaga ang pag.asa ko… Na kaunting negative vibes nalang ang na.iwan…

      At ang araw na hinahangad ko na matapos na ang problema ko tungol dito, pero sa ngayon po ang pakiramdam ko napakasama kong tao… Na pakiramdam ko kasalan ko kung bakit d ko naisip na ganito ang mangyayari, kung di ko nlng yon ginawa, kung d namin ginawa… unexpected to eh, d pa sya ready lalo naman ako… kagabi ng lumabas na, hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko… kung matutuwa ba ako, maawa, blanko na naman akong nakatutok sa kinuha ko na inilagay ko sa batya… tama ba ang ginawa ko? tama naman po siguro dba? napakalaki ng kasalanan ko  na talagang dadalhin ko talaga hanggang sa mabura nako sa mundo… ‘parang may forever pa to sa akin’ nakokonsenya po talaga ako na ewan ko talaga… di ko kayang itama ang mali kung nagsimula sa mali, parang ang resulta mali pa rin eh… 😦 napakamali… parang wala na akong karapatang magkaroon ng anak pagdumating na ang araw… parang gusto kong magtanda na lng na dalaga… parang d ko ma.akong mangloko na naman ng lalaki tapos ganito ang nakaraan ko, mas lalong ayoko ng magtagal sa nobyo ko ngayon matapos ang ginawa ko, matapos na mapag.desisyunan namin ‘tong gawin… parang ang lapit ng karma sa amin kung kami ang magkasama…. tatakot ako sa maaring ibalik nito akin balang araw pero tatanggapin ko pa rin…

     I have my life again but the damage stays forever…. 😦 ayaw kong magsalita ng tapos pero i’ll never take this mistake again…. It’s the most… darkest nightmare of my life… for 7 weeks and 5days of my life were the days that I’m living with fears, depression, sadness, life realizations, anger, blame, seeking for second chances… but I think I’ll take this guilt forever… 😦 It’s like a 9-magnitude earthquake, this really changed my life but I’ll rebuild myself ( in a process, maybe?) after this strong quake of my life but i don’t know how… 😦

p.s sir John-stress-free thank you so much po talaga sir!! and sa project 486 thank you po talaga!

-She, 22, Vet Med Student, Samar

” Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you.” – P. Dixon


PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines XVIII