To cope with the range of emotions that our patients undergo after the procedure (Medical Abortion with Abortion Pills Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec ) , we encourage them to make a reflection about their experience and share them with us and the world ( their identities kept confidential). A “reflection” will help them unload much of that emotional baggage. This activity will surely benefit them a lot as they embark on the road to a full recovery and to a new beginning. Here’s one reflection from Risse, a 21-year old socil media officer from Pasay CIty, Philippines
Hi! 3rd week of June when I found out that I was pregnant. But before that, I felt that something was chaging inside me and my body. 6 weeks from my LMP, I tried the herbal meds to induce miscarriage for 10 days but it failed. I haven’t taken PT at that time but I made up my mind, I don’t want to do this. I was so selfish, I know. But what can I do? I was the “bread-winner” of my family and my father just lost his job. So I had no choice. A week before I emailed project 486 (still taking the herbal meds), I asked my boyfriend about the possibility that I’m pregnant. He was happy. He was actually excited, he wanted to do ultrasound to make sure I was really carrying his baby. And it hurts me because I don’t want to continue this. Being wise, I know we are not ready, financially and emotionally. I told him if ever there was a growing child inside me, I don’t want to carry it. He got mad. I cried. Because I know, I will kill his baby, our baby. So I never told him my decision. If he knew, he will leave me and I cannot lose him and my baby at the same time. It could be the death of me.
But like what I’ve said I already made a decision. I know it was not the baby’s fault, it was my fault for doing things that I shouldn’t done. I can’t blame anyone. So, I shouldered everything. I took my chances borrowing money from my friend just to complete the payment. I was so determined I did not care what could have happen to me. All I know was that if I follow all the instruction carefully, I will be fine. I also did a lot of research about the pills, and most of them stated that it was safe, so somehow I was at ease. The hardest part for me was the diet. I’m “matakaw”, it took a lot of me just to survive that phase. Then the third day came. I was a little light headed that day when I left the house to go to a hotel. I will be doing the procedure alone. No one knows that I was pregnant so I can’t really tell anyone what I’m about to do. It was raining that day. Cold. and I felt alone. But I said to my self that I really, badly needed to do this, and I already took mife so I cannot back out. I did viganal mioso at 9:30am. Before I took the bucal miso, I started to feel soft cramps but still no bleeding. At 1:30pm (30 mins. after last dose of miso) the bleeding started. At 3:30pm, still light bleeding, soft cramps. I was kinda worried because I was expecting heavy bleeding and strong cramps, but what I felt was the opposite. I only felt normal bleeding with soft cramps. I never had dysmenorrhea so I have no idea how strong and painful the cramps would be. At 5:30pm, still nothing happens. Sir John told me not to worry and do not think of the outcome. But how can I not? I can’t afford to fail. I was desperate. Hours passed by and still nothing happens. No strong cramps, no heavy bleeding. I thought I failed. at 7pm, Sir John allowed me to drink water, so I did. When I was getting ready to leave the hotel, I go to CR to pee, I was surprised something slipped out of me. When I looked, it was a mass of blood with something in it. I was nervous to touch it at first because I thought it has the tiny little body of my baby, but I found none. I took pictures anyway. I stayed at my boyfriend’s house that night. I don’t want my family to notice that I was exhausted and weak. The next day, I emailed to Sir Alex the photos of my POC without the knowledge of my boyfriend. That was hard. Because once he caught me, I am dead. Thankfully, he was deep in his sleep that time. That afternoon, I acted normal around him, like I just have my period back and nothing happened. I received Sir John’s message that it was successful. I was relieved and happy. But I had a lot of question because I did not see the fetus (Supposedly, I was 8 weeks pregnant), only that embryo (as Sir John told me).
I just wanted to thank Sir John and the rest of the team for helping me. It was hard. But I made it. Alone. Right now, everytime that it hits me that the little thing I was holding that night was my baby, I feel sad. I almost want to cry. But I need to go on and move on with my life. I am recovering now. For every ladies out there, please be careful always. Be safe and always think of the consequences. Because doing this might change you and your perspective in life. But, please know that you will always have a choice. Project486 (email@example.com) is really helpful. Take care always. 🙂
Risse, 21, Pasay City
“Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you” – P. Dixon
PROJECT 486: A Patient’s Reflection on Her Medical Abortion Procedure (Abortion Pills: Mifepristone and Misoprostol or Cytotec) in the Philippines VIII